Today is day three of my weight loss transformation. I am so motivated.

I went for a jog today, a little over a mile, near my apartment, it was so beautiful out. Throughout the day I only consumed 611 calories and only 26 carbs, not as hard as I thought it would have been. Also - I’m tracking my calorie intake on a website, for free, just google it.

Tonight i spent an hour an a half at the gym (planet fitness) with my mom, who is my diet buddy, and best friend, which is awesome.

I started off on the stationary bike, for 15 minutes doing hills, then moved to the elliptical on cardio for 20 minutes, which was about a mile all together.

Thats about two miles of cardio in total.

I then moved on the do some leg work with the hip ab and ad ductors, sets of 10, doing 3 sets on each machine.

Lastly, i did the entire 30 minute workout, all the stepping included, doing two sets of 15 on all machines.

I came home, had some cottage cheese and then I did abs ( i dont like doing them at the gym in front of people, lame i know, but hey i’m still getting it done right?)

Basically i do the same abs routine every night before bed so i can burn more calories as i sleep and i dont want to eat anything after..plus im exhausted by the end of that workout, which will be the same as last night.

Abs!

20 crunches

35 med ball twists

plank all sides; 30 seconds (way harder than i thought!)

20 Inner climb(both legs) 10 each side

20 Outer climb(both legs) 10 each side

20 toe touch sit up 10 each side

Butt!

DONKEY KICK: 10 each side
1. On hands and knees with abs pulled in tight
2. Reach left leg up behind you with bent knee, pushing through heel and engaging glute
3. Keep back straight and return to starting position, do the right side

HIP BRIDGE: 30 
1. Lie on back, hands by sides, knees bent
2. Keep weight in heels, squeeze glutes and push hips up so body is in one line from knees to shoulders
3. Return to starting position and repeat

I then ended with a glass of chocolate milk, it has a lot of great nutrients in it including potassium and calcium, which your muscles need for repair. It’s really great for your body after a good workout, look it up if you don’t believe me !

If anyone wants to text or share information about their diet, feel free to message me anytime and ill gladly give you my number and we can chat!

Happy losing (:

-Corinne !

Day two of my workout and i was already able to do more than last night, hopefully i can start to get some cardio in once i get my bike attatched to the stationary thing i bought at savers (ONLY 10$ !) WOOOOO ! (:

Abs!

20 crunches

35 med ball twists

plank all sides; 30 seconds (way harder than i thought!)

20 Inner climb(both legs) 10 each side

20 Outer climb(both legs) 10 each side

20 toe touch sit up 10 each side

Butt!

DONKEY KICK: 10 each side
1. On hands and knees with abs pulled in tight
2. Reach left leg up behind you with bent knee, pushing through heel and engaging glute
3. Keep back straight and return to starting position, do the right side

HIP BRIDGE: 30 
1. Lie on back, hands by sides, knees bent
2. Keep weight in heels, squeeze glutes and push hips up so body is in one line from knees to shoulders
3. Return to starting position and repeat

…will be adding more to the  butt workout, when i have a little more time.

I’m exhausted from today all together XP

Goal: see my collar bone

Twenty pounds down in one month; forty to go; two months.

losing never felt so fucking good.

i’ve lost 16 pounds in in the last two weeks. hm. i could really get used to this shit. as the weight comes off i feel myself craving skinny.

i will be thin

My doctor asked me if i had an eating disorder today; if i was making myself throw up and all that shit. I seriously thought it was a joke. all i could think was “are you looking at how huge i am?”, ” Do you see the weight that’s written in that spot on your fucking paper?”

everything is a constant reminder..

I think I’m trying so hard to make Justin happy because I’m so unhappy. “I’ve never been so in love with you then i have been lately.” I’m all for his happiness because it’s basically what makes my world go ‘round but it made me cry. It’s been said a thousand times that those who strive to make others happy, are never truly happy themselves. I finally realized tonight that I’ve been trying to make Justin so happy in place of my own happiness. I’m trying to keep him around and i know that if he knew how i felt about myself right now that he would probably not know what to do and blame himself. It’s fucked up that our relationship is at it’s best when inside I’m at my lowest. I’ve been acting like i’m so happy and like everything is so great for me. I love him with what little i have, but at the same time i don’t know how to let him know what i’m going through. I am trying so hard to be happy, and there are moments when i am happy, but the good times just don’t out-weigh the unhappy times anymore.

It’s been over a year since you hit me. Since you made me turn against myself; since you blamed me for that night. Although you aren’t part of my every day life; i still feel like you rule me mentally. You’re like an extra 50 pounds to my overall well being. A 50 (among 40 more) pounds i want to fucking get rid of. I try to tell myself you’re gone all the time, but you are always still with me. I never talk to you, i don’t even see you, but you will always have a place in that little black box in my head that tries to escape you. You come and you haunt my dreams, you hurt me and it makes me wantt to hurt me. I know this wasn’t my fault, but when i get really low; i tell convince myself i deserved it.  You are a nightmare; worse than any scary movie i saw when i was little, worse then any terrible car accident i have been in or any break up. You have scarred me mentally for the rest of my life. You abused me not only physically but mentally. You have destroyed me; you have made me feel so little inside; A year+ later; and you’re still hurting me.

It really makes me sad that Justin wants to spend his life with me, I want the same thing, I want it so much. I just don’t feel like i deserve that. I don’t deserve to have someone love me the way he does when i can’t even love myself. I really wonder what it is he holds on to when it comes to me. I search for reasons that he would ever want to spend possibly forever with me, even though we have been together quite awhile now. I guess i just find it hard to want to spend forever with me when i don’t even like waking up to myself; in my own disgusting skin. I’ve been trying to get him to leave, it’s how it’s always been. I want to save him the agony of dealing with all my bullshit. I really wish i could just fucking grow up and stop feeling this way. It’s not beneficial to my relationship with Justin or with myself. I don’t feel attractive anymore; almost like he should be embarrassed to be with me. I know he loves me, so why can’t i love me too?